Up The Middle

Having an upstairs neighbor, at least in an apartment setting (ie. four years) is a new thing for us and when we first moved in the maintance guy told me that the fairly attractive woman above had already moved around the complex once b/c of noisey neighbors. Apparently shes a night nurse and a bitch to boot- or so it goes. By no means have we ever lived like mice- i crank my music, have drunk get togethers, bang headboards, etc., and abide by a policy of if you tolerate my noise i'll tolerate yrs (to a point of course) b/c for the majority of my independent life i've lived in close proximity to others. But this woman makes us seem quiet at times. She hasn't said anything to us and after a month of living under her better not ever. You would think by the way she sometimes walks around her apt or always comes down the stairs that she was a) weighing 350 or better or b) had a herd of  african elephants in tow. She can't possibly weigh anymore than 140 and as far as i can tell is not harboring any contraband animals. Along with this a myriad of other mystery sounds filter from upstairs on occasion. These apts are fairly well insulated and its not to the point of aggervation by any means, but is occasionally amusing.

Where i'm headed is that this afternoon we could hear what initially we assumed was a tv, but it sounded strangely like muffled moaning. After joking about this for a few minutes and trying to decide whether it was him (the man that comes and goes and we assume is the boyfriend), her, or some combo thereof, we hear what was either a vacuum or a serious 120v vibe (think hitachi magic wand). This was made all the more hilarious by the fact that the buzzzz sound lasted about 5 minutes then stopped, more muffled sex-like noises, and then buzzzzz again. All this very well, and probably is, related to a TV or really loud talking boyfriend and spot cleaning but more enjoyable to think that our upstairs neighbor is having extremely noisy freaky monkey sex in her living room.

Of course this still falls short of the time in the dorms when me and my roomate could distinctively hear a bed on the next floor above us smacking the tile and then began to recieve a nice shower of spackle from the ceiling...ah the good times of college living.